


Big and Stupid is his THING

by Bam4Me



Category: Avengers, Stargate - Fandom, Thor - Fandom, marvel cinimatic universe, staragte sg-1
Genre: Crossover, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Poly Relationships, Polyamory, Weddings, asexual!sam, poligamy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:52:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, instead of finding a way to fix the Asgards cloning problem, they found a way to put them back into their humanoid bodies. Daniel didn't expect them to be so... big...</p><p>And kind of stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big and Stupid is his THING

"You guys sure that's still Thor?"

The airman at the console looked up from her screen and nodded, "Yes. That is the exact same DNA as before, and it's coming from him."

Jack looked over to the giant blonde man standing under the pointy glowey thing and waved a little. The naked blonde gave him a dopey grin and waved back, looking way too cute.

Well, at least his brother seemed to be doing better off than him. Loki was standing off to the side, skin blue and ice cold, pulling on the pants that the male airman had given him before tugging the shirt over his head.

"Brother, you would do well to put on some clothing the Tau'ri have provided for us."

Thor looked a little down at the idea, "But I feel fine now."

Daniel dragged his eyes away from traveling down that sculpted chest and back up to Thor's face, grinning up at the giant and nodding, "Oh yes though. We wouldn't want you getting a chill now would we?"

Thor shrugged and accepted the pile of clothes from the same airman with a smile. "Of course Daniel Jackson. If you insist."

Daniel cocked his head to th side, wondering if the transformation had scrambled his brains a little before shrugging, openly staring while he watched Thor dress himself. "Danny, no."

Daniel looked over at Jack who was giving his a stern look and behind him to Cameron who looked concerned, "Whatever do you mean Jack? I'm just being polite."

Jack narrowed his eyes, "Yes, because staring is so polite."

Daniel looked up at them with a grin, "I'm just showing my appreciation for that fine work of art over there. Amazing though..."

Jack sat next to him and raised an eyebrow, while Cameron just came over and put both hands on Daniel's shoulders, "What is?"

Daniel looked back at the Asgardians talking to Sam and Teal'c, "Look at just what they gave up in the pursuit of knowledge. They could have looked like this for so long, but they chose to give up being so beautiful, all to further their race. Not many races would do that."

Jack nodded, "They said that most of their knowledge would disappear from this right?"

Daniel nodded too, "Yeah. Said their new bodies would not be able to retain it. It's why they gave all their tech to us in the hopes we could study it and learn from it."

Cameron cocked his head, "The first thing Thor said was 'this sorcery has made me large and strong again.' I think he might have just lost a couple thousand IQ points."

Daniel agreed, "Yeah, but look at him though. Build like a freaking brick house, that one."

Cameron pressed his lips together and looked down at Daniel, "No. You already have two."

Daniel leaned back to press a kiss to Cameron's hand and shook his head, "I can't help it. I have a type."

Jack snorted, "Yeah, big and stupid."

Daniel nodded, "I like being the one in the relationship that rambles on about stuff, and everyone else as smart as me talks too much. I need big and stupid. Even if they're hiding how smart they really are."

He gave Jack a glance at that and sat further back, leaning into Cameron's waist.

Jack sighed loudly and looked over at the two of them, "Well, what do you think Cameron? It's not like we all have a monogamous relationship anyways. I think that if he wants it, he should go for it."

Cameron looked at Jack and bit his lip, running both hands through Daniel's hair for a minute, "I don't see any issues."

He kissed Daniel on the head and leaned against him, wondering if Thor would like all of them or just Daniel. Probably all of them, but would choose to be with Daniel more than them.

***

Daniel smiled as he looked at the test results for Thor sitting in front of him in a hospital bed, "So you say you feel fine? No adverse effects?"

Thor nodded and smiled that cute smile at him again, making Daniel's heart melt a little, "I feel amazing Daniel Jackson. My body is as strong as ever. I feel as though I could fight a thousand battles without rest."

Daniel smiled at his joyful face and sat on the bed next to him, "That's good. Everyone should be happy to know you and your brother are doing well."

When Daniel got back up he decided to stop and see Loki on his way back out. Loki was sitting on a bed on the other side of the infirmary, looking through a tablet someone had given him.

"Your skin seems to have stopped shifting colours."

Loki looked up and nodded, his skin was dark blue with raised places a lot like tattoos all over. "Yes. My ability for changing form seems to be faulty for now. I fear not though. It will return to me as it always does."

Daniel nodded, "May I ask how you do that? Most humans I know can't."

Loki snorted, "No, I suppose they do not. I was not born with the ability, but my mother had the ability to hide my foreign features."

"She did not mind you being another race?"

Loki shook his head, "My dear mother is blessed with the gift of compassion. She raised me as her own. Taught me her own gifts."

"So that's how you do it? Your mother taught you?"

Loki nodded, "I am oddly calmed to be in my humanoid form once more though."

"Why? What's the huge difference that makes this better?"

Loki thought it over for a moment before frowning, "Emotion. I have not felt true emotion for a long time."

Daniel smirked a little, "So, you're less likely to test humans in this form huh?"

Loki smiled at him, "I do not believe I have the same brilliance as before, such an act would be beyond my abilities."

Daniel nodded, "What emotions are worth it though? I mean, when I resended to human form a few years ago, all I felt was lost and scared."

Loki looked over to the other side of the room and smiled, "I still have my family. Our race will be once more as they used to be, and we shall go home to see our mother and father. Thor will ascend to the throne of Asgard and rule as he should have so long ago."

Daniel looked a little lost, "Not all of your race followed your paths?"

Loki shook his head, "No. We have a large population of humanoid citizens on the Asgard homeworld. Our parents still reign. But father grows ever weaker, and will need to step down one day."

"And Thor will become king. Why not you?"

"I am not of the same noble blood as my family. I will not reign there. I simply wish to go back home, and see my children after so long away from them."

Daniel paused, cocking his head to the side, "...children..."

Loki smirked this time, "You are a scholar Daniel Jackson. I assume you know the children I speak of."

Daniel nodded vacently and thought about it, "Well, there's Fenrir, and Hel, Jormungandr... Narfi, Vali... Sleipnir."

He trailed off, getting an odd look on his face, making Loki chuckle, "Yes. I have many children. They are much more misunderstood than anything though. Fenrir can be like an Earth puppy sometimes. And Hel is just like any other girl her age. Jormungandr is isolated with living in the waters of Asgard, but he is no more evil than the others. Sleipnir though, is my fathers steed. He is the most highly regarded out of all of my children, and the one I have the closest bond to. I miss him dearly."

"Not your children with Sigyn?"

Loki smiled, "I miss Sigyn more than our children. They are fully grown and do not wish to spend their time with their parents. I love them, but they do not need me."

"Sleipnir does?"

"For a steed of his standing, he does pretend not to, but when he sees his mother he becomes the child I once carried inside of me, clamoring for attention once more."

Daniel couldn't help but smile, "What about Thor? Does he have anyone special to go back to?"

Loki raised an eyebrow, "Like a lover perhaps?"

Daniel blushed a little but nodded.

"Her name is Sif."

Daniel made an 'o' with his mouth, "So the ledgends are true..."

"Do not worry yourself Daniel Jackson. Both of them have been known to take other lovers than each other. They are not promised to each other though."

Daniel looked a little happy at that.

***

"So... that was a great first date..." Daniel looked over to where Thor was attempting to fuse himself into Daniel's side with snuggles and snorted. Thor looked way too pleased. Daniel was sore.

This was great. Actually, this was a lot like Cam and his first date, except on his and Cam's date, it started with Cam trying to go all southern gentleman on him and stuff.

Sex was a very good replacement for that.

Not that Daniel didn't secretly like going to restaurants where he got to watch Cam make an idiot out of himself. That was always fun.

But so was sex.

Oh yeah, he could totally make this work out for everyone.

***

"I'm not saying I want to live with him over any of you, but while he's staying here and his brother is going back to Asgard, he's going to need a place to stay. I just know that he'll never get accustomed to living around humans if he doesn't try coming off base. You two know I would love to live with both of you if I didn't think one of us would end up dead."

Cameron made a sour face and shoved another bite of ice cream in his mouth, watching Jack poke at his grilled cheese while slowly spinning his office chair.

"It's not that we think you love him more, it's that why does he get to move in when we get excuses on why we all can't move in together."

Daniel raised an eyebrow, "Does that mean you're finally thinking about selling your house, finding one big enough for all of us to have our own rooms, and not kill Cameron along the way?"

Jack sighed and leaned back, thinking about it, "...fine. But only so the Norse god doesn't get you all to himself, I might be willing not to kill Cam."

Daniel waited a moment, wondering if he was going to take it back, before grinning. He stood up from his chair and rounded the desk, pulling the general into a kiss, "This is perfect, thank you so much Jack. I knew you would come around to the idea one day."

He rounded the table again, giving Cameron much the same (though much more chocolate filled) kiss before grabbing the folders he'd come in to discuss in the first place, "I'll head back to my office, send you some listings I found for large houses. We'll buy outright so we don't have to worry about renting if all of us are off planet for more than a month at a time. This is going to be great!"

He left the office with a grin, muttering to himself about houses and Jack frowned, "Did I just get played?"

Cameron grinned at him and nodded, "Yeah. But he's too damn cute to say no to anyways, so you probably would have lost anyhow."

Jack nodded and picked up his grilled cheese to eat, thinking about all the listings Daniel probably had saved for them all to look at.

***

"Why do we have to help you move though?"

Daniel rolled his eyes and taped up a box, "Because you're my friends, and that's what friends do. They get forced into helping each other move. You know, it's a long standing Earth tradition, not to be messed with."

Sam sighed and passed Teal'c another large box to take down to the van when him and Vala came back up for more.

Cameron was packing up the kitchen and Jack had his bedroom. Thor was politely encouraged to help bring things down to the van and not help pack. This would probably be the best move.

"And afterwords, we get to the new house, feed you, and then you get to leave while we cry because now we have to unpack all of this ourselves. It really works out for everyone. We get slaves on the loading and unloading, then we all get to cry when you leave."

Sam raised and eyebrow and went to go help Cam pack the kitchen.

Some things were best not to argue.

***

"Okay no, would you go up and say that to someone?"

Daniel poked his head out of the kitchen and cautiously decided to leave Thor and Jack to the dishes alone. He'd intervene if things got loud.

"Say what to a person?"

Cameron looked up from the tv and made a face, "Walk up to a guy and say 'I want to sit on your dick' and expect to get laid?"

Daniel made a similar face and sat next to Cameron, "Hell no. It's not just the fact that you're expecting something to work when chances of it are very slim, but that's actually transphobic."

Cameron raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. Suddenly, he wanted to know that got Daniel Jackson all the boys, "What would you say instead?"

Daniel leaned in a little and smirked, "I think I would be much politer about it. I would go up to them, sit down all close and snug, and ask them to pin me down and do whatever fancies them to me all night long."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Daniel Jackson got laid for the third time in one day.

***

"But, I think it's probably for the best if all of us go with him though."

Jack raised and eyebrow, "Even me? I kind of have a base to run."

Daniel rolled his eyes, "Yes, but his parents requested to see all of us though. You know General Landry would love to get his hands on this base for a few weeks."

Jack sighed, "Why do they want to see all of us?"

Daniel shrugged, "Something about a feast in our honor."

"What did we do to deserve that?"

Daniel shrugged, "Who cares? We've been saving the world for ten plus years, don't you want to have a feast in your honor where the party hosts aren't secretly planning on serving us to their guests?"

Jack looked up wistfully, "I have always wanted that... okay."

Daniel smiled, "Awesome. I'll go tell Cameron to pack his things."

***

So, Asgard was a lot more, um... fighty, than Asgard was when Jack first visited. But then again, Asgard was a lot different when inhabited by humanoid beings, so Jack isn't sure what he was actually expecting.

"I don't know why I expected anything else though."

Daniel smiled at Jack and leaned back against the chair he was sitting in, "It's actually a very traditional Norse practice, to have entertainment at parties. Makes sense that it would come in so many different forms."

Sam gave him an odd look, "But how? How can you seriously watch the fighting and completely ignore that fact that half the room is currently engaged in very explicit orgy on the other side of the room? I can't seem to stop watching myself."

Daniel gave her a grin, "Yeah, I'm not watching either. Look behind the fighting ring."

Sam had to stand up a little to get a clear view of what Daniel was apparently watching and smirked when she did, "Is that an eight legged horse?"

Daniel nodded, looking a little smug, "Yeah. Loki said he wanted to spend time with his children when he got back."

Sam just shook her head and went back to watching the other side of the room, wondering if this was going to be a usual occurrence on Asgard.

***

"So. I learned a thing this morning."

Jack looked up from his breakfast and Cameron did the same, but with some sort of blue pastry sticking out of his mouth. They gave him an expectant look and Daniel took a moment to look back through the open arch way to the balcony into their room, making sure Thor was still gone for his morning duties.

"Pray tell good scholar."

Daniel rolled his eyes and sat in between them at the little round table, "Um, that feast last night-"

Cam nodded, "The one that's supposed to last nine more days?"

Daniel nodded back and started pulling apart what looked like a kiwi but tasted like an orange, "Um, turns out it's actually a very specific feast... it was a wedding celebration."

Cameron scrunched up his face, "Who's getting married?"

Daniel gave him a small smile, "Um, us. And me and Jack, and me and Thor. Apparently, polygamy is a very excitable thing in this culture, which is why half the room was screwing each others brains out..."

Jack and Cameron gave him slightly stupid looks and Daniel sighed, "Look, they're really excited that their prince has chosen a, more... open lifestyle and are taking the time to celebrate it. Which in this case means that they're expecting all of us to have a wedding at the end of the stay."

Cameron gave Jack a stiff look, "Does this mean I have to marry Jack too?"

Daniel shook his head, "No, but all of you are encouraged to marry me... I don't even know anymore."

Jack opened his mouth a few time, looking like he was going to say something before sighing, "It's a good thing we're not doing this on Earth. Would suck if the only ten states we could legally get married in they were enough to get us all arrested for it too."

Daniel gave him a grateful look, knowing that was his weird way of giving a blessing and turned to Cameron, "Are you okay with this too?"

Cameron deflated a little, "Sure. Would love to be the husband of the consort to the king. Sounds like fun."

Daniel smiled at them both, "Good, because apparently we're all being fitted for ceremonial robes today."

Jack just groaned and shoved a bread thing in his mouth to shut himself up.

***

Sam looked at the women flitting around Jack, Cam and Daniel and frowned, "Aren't you supposed to be studying the ancient texts of the city or something like that?"

Daniel shrugged, "Didn't you hear, I'm getting married, they have to fit me for something or another."

Sam nodded, looking down at the women again, "Vala made friends with Loki. They're bonding over their evil offspring. It's creepy."

Daniel sagged a little, wondering if he was going to have to play peace keeper any time soon, "What about Teal'c? Is he doing okay?"

She nodded, "He's been in a sparring session with Frair for a couple of hours now. They're pretty evenly matched. It's impressive."

Jack yelped when one of the girls poked him in the side with a needle and glared, "What are you doing hanging out with us then? We're doing boring stuff."

"I got propositioned by three girls and a very forgettable number of boys. They were all cute." Sam didn't take her eyes off of the girls shoving needles into her friends and sat in a chair, watching them.

Cam snorted, "Didn't tell them you weren't interested?"

Sam shrugged, "Asexuality seems to be even less common on this world than on Earth. Maybe if one of them didn't feel the need to sexualize me I would accept their offer. Hell I would have accepted it even if they just offered for me to watch. Sex looks fun, I just don't like doing it."

Daniel shrugged and nearly fell over when the girl working on him bodily pulled his arm back into place, "Maybe tell them that. Just say it's funner to watch."

Sam sighed, "I've been to enough sex clubs in my life. I'm getting tired of watching at all. Seriously, I have had so many aliens 'fall in love' with me over the years. I wonder if they would have done that just the same if I looked like anyone else."

Jack snorted, "Fuck 'em. You know, metaphorically. Just tell them all to go fuck themselves, cause you sure as hell aren't gonna do it."

Sam smiled a little and stood back up, popping her back, "Sure. I'm going to go watch Teal'c practice. Maybe find someone on this planet that has an interest in anything remotely scinency other than Loki. He's busy at the moment."

***

"This is weird."

Daniel looked over at Jack and smiled, "Why?"

Jack shrugged, "I never thought me and Cameron Mitchell would be the best men at a wedding for our boyfriend and his boyfriend. Who is a crowned prince. Of another planet. Who used to look like squishy aliens. And they have a lot of orgys."

Daniel shrugged and turned back to the woman fitting his robes again, "I don't know, sounds like a fun Friday night to me."

"I'm not even sure it's Friday at all."

Daniel shook his head, "It's Tuesday."

"Then why did you say Friday?" Daniel looked over to Cameron who seemed intent on pouting and smiled.

"It's a saying sweetheart. It means it's something that sounds fun to do a second or more times."

Cameron rolled his eyes, "Well, that better wait at least ten years for the vow renewal, because I have never felt so hungover in my life."

Daniel looked him up and down, "You look fine."

"Yeah, Thor's mom gave me some 'healing drought' and it perked things up a little. When I woke up this morning I threw up for five minutes straight."

Daniel wrinkled his nose, "Now you know not to challenge Asgardians to drinking contests on your stag night then, don't you?"

Cameron nodded and sighed, wishing that he could wear sunglasses during the ceremony.

He doubted that would be in good taste though.

***

"This is the weirdest wedding reception I have ever been to, and it's to my own wedding."

Daniel looked over at Cameron and leaned in to give him a kiss to placate him, "It's just a play. They decided to preform it specially for us tonight. Just enjoy it."

Cameron wrinkled his nose, "I was never one for theater."

"This is a most joyous ceremony! The bards of the town have preformed admirably and shall be rewarded greatly as thanks!"

Daniel startled a little and looked over at Thor, smiling when he grinned at Daniel.

Oh yeah, this was so weird. But Thor and his stupid cute face kept looking at him like that. Daniel was weak to those cute eyes. Fuck.

Later that night when Daniel was sure he would never fit anything else in his stomach (if any of them suggested wedding night sex he was going to hit them, probably say yes, and throw up on them five minutes in) and Jack was somehow drunker than Cameron (Cam probably learned his lesson from the night before) Daniel leaned over to talk to Thor.

"Thor, we should all head back to our rooms for sleep. I really might pass out any time soon. It would be best if I was on a bed when it happened."

Thor stood up and loudly boomed out to the room, "My consort and his spouces grow weary! We will now take our leave to our rooms for sleep!"

Daniel winced a little at the loud noises and got up to help Cameron get Jack standing, the four of them setting out for a nice leisurely (because Jack and Cameron were so drunk they kept forgetting they were going anywhere) stroll back to their rooms.

When Thor pushed them all towards the same bed Daniel hoped that Jack and Cam would puke on him in his sleep but settled into the bed anyways, Jack and Cam on either side and Thor practically using his stomach as a pillow.

Damn this bed was huge.

***

"You like her." Sam glared at Daniel from across the breakfast table and ignored Jack and Cam's groans at them making noise.

"I like the fact that she doesn't feel the need to proposition me, yes."

Daniel grinned wider, "Yeah, that's what you said last night, and that you have stimulating conversation as well, and that she's hot. Like I said, you like her."

Sam rolled her eyes and ate a plum looking thing, "Yes. The warrior Sif is a good person. She's nice and actually attempt to understand what I'm saying rather than just nodding along. I like that, okay?"

Daniel nodded, "It's all okay here. I have my own Asgardian, I know how awesome they are."

She just smiled and went back to poking Cameron in the neck to hear him beg her to stop.

He was just so pretty when he begged. No wonder Daniel liked him.

***

"So, you all went to Asgard on a mission of diplomatic alliance creating, and when you come back, four of you are married, one of them to a prince."

Daniel looked up at Barak from across the oval office on the couch from him and nodded, "What better way to establish alliance than to marry the prince on an entire race and celebrate for two weeks straight?"

Barak blinked at him for a few minuted before nodding himself, "Okay. Fine. Not like this program could get any weirder anyway."

Daniel grinned and stood up, "I'm glad you think of it that way, Mr. President. It really has been fun."

Barak nodded and stood up to see him out of the room, wondering if he should be signing a warrant for Daniel's arrest for marrying three people in one go. Nah.

That was one thing he'd learned since coming into office, Daniel Jackson always got his way.


End file.
